Return of the Perfunctory Blogger

I have sinned against you, Blogger! Mia culpa! Mia culpa! I have not posted, though I have watched many movies. For that, you smited my 5-disc DVD changer and demoted me to an army surplus Cold War relic that, though it works, cannot compare to the former's glory.

I can't help but think that Stephen Spielberg had something to do with it. Yes, Stephen, I don't own any movies that you've directed, and I probably never will. Get over it! Stop stalking me! Yes, I confess that, in a weak moment, I almost purchased Catch Me If You Can when it was on sale, but I remained steadfast.

My 5-disc changer never did anything to you. I seem to recall it screening Saving Private Ryan once. I didn't go blind either. I made it through the ham-handed sequence where you reduced Lincoln's wonderfully-penned letter to Mrs. Bixby to mere plot device. I didn't even throw up when I revisited the ending scene where the thence-grown-old Private Ryan, full-frame, salutes the grave of Tom Hank's Captain John Miller. It's not too late to go back and CGI some aliens in there!

In truth, I'm optimistic about Lincoln. Liam Neeson seems to be an inspired choice to play the title role. Just as long as we don't see any ill-advised, self-referential flash-fowards to that damnable scene in Saving Private Ryan or have Lincoln salute the fallen at Gettsyburg a la that other damnable scene in Saving Private Ryan!

It's controversial to be so anti, and I should probably reserve judgement. I like his body of work overall as entertainment. I cannot, however, elevate him to the same sphere as the likes of Stanley Kubrick, the quintessential example of directorial prowess, in my opinion.

More on why next time -- beyond the obvious why that Spielberg had something to do with the death of my 5-disc changer! He's crafty, I tell you, despite the lack of craft. Feel free to flay me for this.